You’ve probably heard a thousand opinions about whether you should have a first look on your wedding day. Your mom thinks you should wait until you walk down the aisle. Your photographer suggested doing it beforehand. Your venue coordinator mentioned something about timeline flexibility. And now you’re standing in the middle of this decision, wondering what the right answer actually is.

Here’s mine: 95% of the time, yes—you should have a first look. But not because it’s trendy, and not because someone else told you to. You should do it because time is the ultimate luxury on your wedding day, and a first look gives you more of it. More time together. More time to breathe. More time to actually be present instead of rushing from one thing to the next.

That said, if seeing each other for the first time when you walk down the aisle sounds amazing to you—if that moment feels right in your gut—then do that. Just make sure you’re choosing it for you, not because of some wedding tradition that has pretty questionable origins.

Let’s break down where this whole “don’t see each other before the ceremony” thing actually comes from, why logistics matter more than you think, and how to make the choice that serves your day.

Where the “Don’t See Each Other” Tradition Actually Comes From

So about that romantic tradition of not seeing each other before the wedding? Yeah, it’s not romantic at all.

The Arranged Marriage Origins (And Why They’re Pretty Grim)

The tradition of keeping the bride and groom separated until the ceremony comes from the era of arranged marriages. Back when weddings were basically business deals between families—when your dad might trade you for ten goats and a horse instead of five goats—couples often hadn’t met before their wedding day.

The concern wasn’t about preserving romance or building anticipation. It was about preventing the groom from backing out if he didn’t find his bride attractive enough. Or worse, preventing the bride from running away if she decided the arrangement wasn’t for her. The veil covering the bride’s face? Same origin story. The bridesmaids surrounding her? Part of the “make sure she doesn’t escape” crew.

Not exactly the heartwarming backstory you’d expect from a beloved wedding tradition.

If Tradition Speaks to You, Do It For YOU—Not For History

Look, I’m not here to tell you that tradition is bad. If waiting to see each other until you walk down the aisle feels meaningful to you—if that’s the moment you’ve been dreaming about your whole life—then absolutely do it. Your wedding should be about what matters to you, not what I think or what anyone else thinks.

But if you’re only doing it because “that’s how it’s done” or because Great Aunt Susan will have opinions? Maybe think about whether that tradition is actually serving your day. The history isn’t beautiful. The logistics can be rough. And there’s a really good case for doing things differently.

Should I Have a First Look? Here’s Why I Say Yes

Here’s the thing about wedding timelines: most venues and traditional schedules create a day that gets rushed and cramped if you don’t do a first look. It’s not about the photos (though we’ll get to that). It’s about how you actually experience your wedding.

Time Is the Ultimate Luxury on Your Wedding Day

Let’s talk about what actually happens if you don’t do a first look. Everything—and I mean everything—has to happen after your ceremony ends. You walk back down the aisle, wait for the initial crowd to clear out, and then we’re diving into photos. Family portraits, wedding party, couples shots—all of it needs to happen during cocktail hour.

Here’s the thing: cocktail hour is only an hour. And by the time you make your way back from the ceremony and regroup, you’ve already lost 5-10 minutes. That doesn’t leave enough time to get through all the photos and give you any breathing room. You’re not even getting a chance to decompress together after one of the biggest moments of your life. No moment to look at each other and go “holy shit, we just got married.” You’re immediately managing logistics—finding family members, organizing group shots, keeping things moving.

I work efficiently. I can absolutely make it happen if that’s what you want. But your wedding day shouldn’t feel like a conveyor belt of photos, especially not in the hour right after your ceremony. That’s supposed to be when you’re celebrating, not when you’re being pulled in twelve directions.

When you do a first look, we knock out most of your photos beforehand—couples portraits, wedding party, family groupings. I handle the timeline. I keep things moving. You just show up and be present with each other. Then after the ceremony, we grab a few quick “just married” shots and you’re free. You get to show up to your cocktail hour. You get to hang out with your people. The whole day feels less frantic because you’re not racing the clock.

Time is luxury. Having enough of it to breathe, to be present, to enjoy what you’re paying thousands of dollars to create—that’s what a first look gives you.

You Get to Actually Spend Your Wedding Day Together

Think about the traditional timeline for a second. You wake up apart. You get ready apart. You stay separated all morning and afternoon. Then you finally see each other for the first time when one of you walks down an aisle in front of everyone you know.

After that? You’re together for the ceremony, then immediately pulled in different directions for photos, greeting guests, and managing the reception. When you add it all up, you’ve spent most of your wedding day away from the person you’re marrying.

That’s always felt a little backwards to me.

A first look means you get more of the day together. More private moments. More time to just be with each other before the crowd and the chaos and the schedule take over. And here’s the thing people don’t always realize: seeing each other for the first look doesn’t make walking down the aisle less special. They’re different moments. One is private and intimate. The other is public and ceremonial. They don’t cancel each other out—they layer.

You still get that moment when you lock eyes during the processional. You still get the emotion of realizing this is really happening, you’re really doing this, in front of everyone who matters. The context is different, but the feeling is just as big.

Better Photos Because You Have Space to Be Present

I’ve photographed weddings with first looks and weddings without them for ten years. Here’s what I’ve seen: when couples do a first look, the photos are better. Not because of lighting or locations or any technical reason—because you have space to actually be present.

Look, I’m managing the timeline either way. That’s my job. But when everything’s crammed into cocktail hour, you can feel it. Even when I’m working efficiently and keeping things moving, there’s an undercurrent of “we need to get back, people are waiting, we’re missing the party.” That tension shows up in your shoulders, in the way you hold each other, in your faces.

When you do a first look, that pressure disappears. We have time. You can breathe between moments. You’re not performing for a schedule—you’re just being together. And that’s what makes the difference in your photos. The genuine moments, the real connection, the ability to just exist in the moment instead of mentally tracking what’s next.

Your wedding day shouldn’t feel like we’re running you through a shot list. It should feel like I’m there capturing what’s already happening while you two get to be present with each other.

But What About the Ceremony Moment?

This is the big concern I hear all the time: “Won’t it ruin the moment when I walk down the aisle?”

Short answer: no.

Your Partner’s Reaction Will Still Be Just as Big

I’ve watched this play out hundreds of times. A couple does a first look in the afternoon—lots of emotion, maybe some tears, definitely some big feelings. Then a few hours later, the ceremony starts. And when that partner sees you walking down the aisle toward them?

The reaction is just as powerful. Sometimes more so.

Because the context has changed. In the first look, it’s private. You’re seeing each other all dressed up, taking in how the other person looks, connecting in that intimate way. But during the ceremony? It’s real now. This is actually happening. You’re walking toward your future together, in front of everyone who’s shaped your lives.

That hits different. It’s supposed to.

You Won’t Rob Yourself of Emotion

One of the weirdest myths about first looks is that you’re somehow using up your emotional reaction—like you’ve only got one good cry in you and you better save it for the aisle.

That’s not how feelings work.

If anything, having multiple meaningful moments throughout your day is better than putting all the pressure on one single instant. You get the private first look where you can actually talk to each other, hug, maybe even laugh about how nervous you both are. Then you get the ceremonial moment of committing to each other in front of your community. Then you get the reception, the toasts, the dances, all of it.

More moments to feel things, not fewer.

FAQ: Common First Look Questions

What if my family is really traditional and against it?

Here’s the thing: it’s your wedding. Your timeline. Your choice.

I know that’s easier said than done when you’ve got family members with strong opinions about how things “should” be done. But remember that the tradition itself comes from a pretty uncomfortable place. If you’re making choices to avoid criticism rather than because they actually serve your day, you’re already starting from the wrong place.

Have the conversation. Explain why you’re considering it. But at the end of the day, you’re the ones getting married. You get to decide how that happens.

How much time does a first look actually save?

The obvious answer is that you get your cocktail hour back. Instead of spending that entire time doing portraits, you show up for maybe 10-15 minutes of “just married” photos and then you’re free to be with your people.

But the real value is bigger than that. It’s not just time saved—it’s time given back to you. More time together before the ceremony starts, when you can actually talk to each other and let it sink in. More breathing room between photo moments so you’re not being shuffled from one pose to the next. More space to exist in your day instead of being rushed through it.

When you front-load the formal photos, the back half of your day becomes about celebration instead of obligation. Your timeline shifts from “we need to get through this” to “we get to enjoy this.” That’s the real gift—not just minutes on a schedule, but the feeling of having enough time.

Can we still have private moments without a full first look?

Absolutely. If a first look doesn’t feel right but you still want some connection before the ceremony, there are other options:

First touch: Stand back-to-back or on opposite sides of a door. Hold hands, talk to each other, exchange vows or letters—all without actually seeing each other. You get the private moment without “breaking” the tradition.

Letters: Write to each other and exchange letters before the ceremony. You can read them separately or even read them aloud to each other from different rooms.

Morning together: Some couples get ready together or have breakfast together before splitting up for the day. You don’t have to be separated from dawn until ceremony time just because that’s tradition.

The point is to create moments that feel meaningful to you, not to follow someone else’s rulebook.

The Bottom Line: Do What Serves YOUR Day

I’ve been photographing weddings in Colorado for ten years. I’ve seen couples do first looks in meadows at sunrise and on city rooftops at noon. I’ve seen couples wait until the ceremony and make it work beautifully. I’ve seen every variation in between.

Here’s what I’ve learned: the couples who have the best experience are the ones who make intentional choices about their timeline. They think about what they actually want from their day—not what Pinterest tells them they should want, not what their grandmother insists on, but what feels right for them.

If you want to spend more time with your person on your wedding day, if you want breathing room in your schedule, if you want to actually enjoy your cocktail hour—a first look makes sense.

If you’ve been dreaming about that aisle moment your whole life and nothing else will do, then wait. Just make sure you’re planning your timeline accordingly so you’re not setting yourself up for stress.

Time is the ultimate luxury. Being present is the ultimate luxury. Spending your wedding day actually together instead of orchestrating a production—that’s luxury.

Whatever you choose, choose it on purpose. Choose it because it serves your story, not someone else’s idea of what a wedding should look like.

Planning a Colorado wedding and want a photographer who’s there for your whole story – not just the timeline-friendly moments? I’m there for all of it, however your day unfolds. Whether you’re getting married at one of Boulder’s incredible venues or somewhere totally off the beaten path, let’s talk about what you’re creating and how I can help you remember it.